People who are sad most of the time and enjoy it

liver411

People who are sad most of the time and enjoy it greenspun.com : LUSENET : I Love Everything : One Thread User FAQ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I never know how to treat them when they tell me how awful their lives are. On the one hand they want pity and are honestly sad, but on the other hand they don't want things any different, even when they admit they can change them. This sounds very vague but I hope someone knows the sort of person I mean (and is referring to no one on ILE). What do you say to them? -- Maria ([email protected]), February 03, 2002 Answers Just tell 'em to cheer up! This really annoys them. If you're not going to go down this route however, things are a little more tricky. Some people do seem to be generally happy when they're miserable and it's pointless trying to make them happy. Let them wallow in it and agree with them how terrible their life is. Um, this all seems like a pile o' crap, I'm afraid & I'm being no help at all, so just keep on offering support/being there for them, I guess. Sorry to be so unhelpful! -- Bill E ([email protected]), February 03, 2002. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Is this thread about goths? Some people like to believe that depression gives them power and mystique. They decide that they cannot "do" happy and so they scoff at the notion of joy. Efforts to comfort or console these people by conventional means usually leads to suspicion and withdrawal, so you have to... kinda.. position yourself to make them realize that their misery is hollow, self-imposed, and rather useless. How you go about doing this really depends.... just don't appear to be a smiling helping hand. They'll see you as a threat, like "Join us...conform..." -- Honda ([email protected]), February 03, 2002. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- he or she might be clinically depressed , this is very serious and he or she , although he might just be mopey , you should tell them to visit a doctor -- anthony ([email protected]), February 03, 2002. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yeah, word. -- Josh ([email protected]), February 03, 2002. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My best friend used always bring out his uncles' shotgun (loaded) whenever I told him I was depressed and say "go on so". It shut me up quick enough. -- bluegerm ([email protected]), February 03, 2002. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I had a biiig (three i's worth) conversation about this recently- basically it's something I cannot stand. I've lost a lot by being unhappy, and it's not fun at all, nor is romantic or interesting. I've come to the conclusion that people who like to wallow deserve real unhappiness. Of course, if it's the fact that they can't change their situation (and sometimes it may look like change is possible when it honestly isn't) then there is nothing that you can do. Nothing at all. Just be there, I guess. Get them drunk. -- emil.y ([email protected]), February 03, 2002. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i know what you are referring to, maria. it is quite a dilemma because you want to be their friend and help them and comfort them and make them feel better, but on the other hand they have this effect of making everyone around them feel crappy too, and oftentimes will use their condition to stop you from doing things that you want or need to do by playing on your guilt. encourage your friend/s to get help. -- di ([email protected]), February 03, 2002. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- People only change when they want to, though. It's not a matter of enjoying it, it's a matter of it being what they know, being safe...it's a self-esteem problem when it comes down to it, they are afraid of being rejected if they take steps to make their lives better, so they just go back to the same empty routine. -- Ally ([email protected]), February 03, 2002. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is a hard one. I've known and dealt with a lot of people like this (including an ex boyf) and I still don't have the perfect answer. I think the key is to offer as much help and support as you can but understand that at the end of the day they have to be the ones to make themselves happy. If somebody is constantly complaining about how awful their life is but makes absolutely no attempt to change anything then sometimes you just have to walk away. When you keep supporting someone who won't even support themselves it just ends up making you feel bad and there's no point in both of you being depressed and unhappy. -- Penny ([email protected]), February 03, 2002. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Having been through both the doldrums and cape horn of this experience, I can now say that the last thing people in this mindset need is indulgence. This doesn't mean being rude or reacting. I've found this is another desired response. Either 'There there' or 'Why don't you just 'kn cheer up' feed the complex. Walk away or get wounded, that's the choice on offer in most cases, because the person either wants to be the perfect wallowing object - observed, discussed, worried over - or have a playmate to gouge at themselves/each other with. The difficulty comes here when (as has been mentioned) clinical depression, anxiety, psychosis and the like comes into play. I wouldn't even begin to try to negotiate my way through mapping those out. However, with most of the former type, it's got very little to do with genuine unhappiness, and is an attention seeking affectation of the worst kind. These people love being sad, because it affords them a kind of solemn dignity and secure cage to bounce around in that they feel comfortable with. You don't have to choose the colour of your day. (Just think black) A cultural tradition is already in place. (Just think sad) It's much easier to write about/be sad convincingly than be happy. When I was younger - 15, 16 - I was very enamoured of this whole complex, from SeBADoh to goths to suicidal behaviour - but I've found out what an unfortunate and shallow pattern it sets. I have no doubt that many of these people are totally insecure and think that there's no other way for them to be, but...Well, nine times out of ten that's the way they like it, and they'll get really pissed when you try to change things for them. -- ping squawk ([email protected]), February 06, 2002.