Rural Stress Anger: Taking The Reins

liver411

Rural Stress

Anger: Taking The Reins

Everybody feels angry sometimes. It's part of the human condition. And like depression, a natural part of the grief process.But it's one of the hardest feelings to deal with, because it fills us with incredible energy! That's also the "good news," though. Because anger does give us so much energy, we are often able to accomplish things when we're mad that we'd never get done otherwise! Using anger in positive ways is a skill only a few people ever master, but it's very useful. Here's how it works: STEP ONE: THREAT. Anger begins with a threat-real or not. Sometimes an imagined threat has the same effect on us as a real one. TO TAKE CONTROL: Remember that Self-Esteem is good prevention for anger. The better you like yourself, the more likely you are to feel challenged, rather than threatened. Look at your personal strengths (your health, family support, friendships, creativity, stamina, persistence, ability to work hard, ability to work smart, etc.) These can put a potential threat into perspective right from the beginning. Ask yourself, "Will I remember this five years from now?" If so, the threat might be very real. If not, it might not be worth worrying about. STEP TWO: MEASURE THE POSSIBLE LOSSES. On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 high), how much do you have to lose in this situation? (Losses can be physical, emotional, financial, or related to status.) TO TAKE CONTROL: Talk about the situation with an objective outside person. Is your calculation of losses based on fact or guess? Are you really in danger of physical or psychological loss? Turn threats into challenges. Can you make this situation into a growing experience for you and your family? Minimize the possible losses. Are these some things you can do right now that would lessen the negative effects? STEP THREE: MEASURE YOUR RESOURCES. Think about how many resources you have at your fingertips (family and friends for support and guidance, self-confidence, status, a strong belief in a higher being, skills for dealing with difficult problems, or knowledge of helping agencies in your area. Most of us have more resources than we realize. But when the chips are down, it's hard to think of them. One good exercise is to begin a list of your resources. And plan to add at least one to it every evening. You can make this as "public" (stick it on the refrigerator) or as private as you wish. STEP FOUR: BALANCING OUT. This final step involves comparing hour potential losses to the resources you have available for dealing with them. The balance determines how angry you will feel. If you see your resources outweighing your losses, then you probably won't feel angry at all. But if your losses seem to outweigh your resources, you can calculate about how angry you will feel. WHEN YOU DO FEEL ANGER, HERE ARE SOME OPTIONS: Admit that you're angry. Tell the person you're angry with how you feel. Or at least talk it over with someone. Work toward a compromise, if possible. Work off excess energy productively. Forgive! Let go of anger-for your own sake!

liver411

Anger Management

Everyone feels angry sometimes. For some people it may even seem like they feel mad most of the time. Feeling angry is not usually the problem. What creates problems for some people is how they deal with anger…either by the way they express anger, or by the way they don't express anger. The good news is that there are ways to manage anger more effectively. Like learning any new skill, learning to manage anger and express these feelings appropriately takes work and lots of practice.

Knowing When You Are Angry: The first step in controlling anger is to realize that you are indeed in an angry state of mind. This may sound strange, but many people do not even realize when they are angry. You can help identify times of anger by looking at yourself in a mirror. When you are angry you will look different than when you are not angry.
Your body may feel different when you are angry. Your shoulders may feel tense. Your jaw may feel tight. Your heart might start beating a little faster. Or you might even start to sweat. Sometimes people say that when they are angry they also feel nervous. Noticing some of these changes in your body is important. Now you can start figuring out what is going on that might be affecting your feelings and contributing to your anger.

Not only does your body change when you are angry, but your mindset changes as well. It's hard to think good or positive thoughts when you are feeling mad. You may start thinking negative things about the people around you or the situation you are in. Learning to identify "angry" thoughts may give you a jump-start on figuring out what you could do to manage your anger more effectively.

Knowing Why You Are Angry: Recognizing that you are angry is an important first step. The next step is to figure out why you are feeling angry. If you don't know what is contributing to your mad feelings, it will be more difficult to figure out what needs to be done. Sometimes the person, situation, or object that is contributing to your anger is obvious. Someone races into the parking space for which you have been waiting patiently. While you are out of town your 14-year-old daughter has a party where the festivities end up destroying your favorite sofa. It may be a little easier in these situations to figuring out why you are angry and what you can do to manage your anger. But at other times you may notice yourself feeling angry for "no good reason." Sometimes if we pay more careful attention to what is going on around us, we might be able to figure out what is contributing to our anger. At other times it may be impossible to figure out why we are so mad. When we just can't figure out why, it is helpful to focus on who or what we are directing our anger toward. Even though your wife may not be the reason you are angry, noticing that you are directing your anger toward her helps to put things in perspective.

Understanding the Consequences of Your Anger: So, now you have figured out that you are angry and you understand something about why you are feeling that way. It's important to take a look at how you express your anger and the way that anger impacts situations, other people, and even yourself. Some people get angry often and everyone around them knows that they are angry. They might yell, scream, throw things, or even act out physically. Some people might cry when they are angry. Other people may sulk and avoid other people. Sometimes people work hard to not let anyone know that they are angry. They might let things build up until they "just can't take it anymore" and explode. Some people might let others know they are angry indirectly (sometimes we call this behavior "passive-aggressive").

Each of these ways of expressing anger has consequences, some good and some not so good. It's important to understand how you express your anger. Try to identify the consequences of expressing your anger the way that you do. Exactly what happens when you express your anger aggressively? What happens when you express your anger in other ways? Try to come up with specific situations where you have felt angry. It will help if you come up with a list of different situations. On your list, also include how you expressed your anger in each situation and what happened when you expressed your anger that way. Try to remember as many consequences as you can. Think about the impact your anger had on you. Think about the impact your anger has on other people. Think about the impact your anger has on other parts of your environment (e.g., property that gets destroyed or damaged). Think about everything that happens when you are angry.

What Can I Do? Lots of times when we are angry we end up saying or doing hurtful things to people around us. There are different strategies we can use to manage or deal with anger more effectively that don't have negative consequences for you or for others. When our anger is directed at another person because of some disagreement or past hurt, sometimes talking with the other person can be useful (See Communicating Emotions Effectively or how to use Assertiveness Skills). Generally it is a good idea to wait until you have calmed down before you try to resolve your differences with the other person.

Sometimes talking to a neutral person or someone you are not feeling angry toward can help you feel less angry. Talking about anger over past events with someone you trust can be a relief. And often that person can help give suggestions about how to resolve your particular issue. If you don't have someone to talk to, simply writing down what you are feeling and what can be helpful.

One strategy that can be helpful is "taking a step back" when you start to feel angry. Taking 'time-out' to gather your thoughts and to calm down can give you a whole different perspective. During this 'time-out' you can do any number of things to help yourself calm down. Taking deep breaths and focusing on relaxing the parts of your body that feel tense is one useful exercise. Understand more about breathing and relaxation by visiting Progressive Relaxation coping skills or Meditation. Taking a walk is another way to remove yourself from the anger-provoking situation. We have found that planning ahead can be helpful. So, after you read this, sit down and come up with a list of activities that you could do at times when you need a break that don't have negative consequences for yourself or others.

You Can Do It: Dealing effectively with anger is definitely possible. Once you understand yourself and how your own mind and body react to anger, you'll be able to manage your anger in a more healthy way. Reading this web page is a step in the right direction. But it is not enough. Changing behavior and dealing effectively with our emotions takes a great deal of work and it takes a lot of practice.

 

senvl

Control, calm and cry

Sometimes, We could not control self

Remember these opinions:

WHEN YOU DO FEEL ANGER, HERE ARE SOME OPTIONS:

1. Admit that you're angry.
2. Tell the person you're angry with how you feel. Or at least talk it over with someone.
3. Work toward a compromise, if possible.
4. Work off excess energy productively.
5. Forgive! Let go of anger-for your own sake!

I suggest one more only for females: Control, calm and cry, cry, cry.........

[em01]

taro

Do you cry a lot?

Artemisia

I guess senvl is a optimistic girl.

whoknows

i'll tell some one what i am angry with, then i'll be better. Crying doesn't help to release the feeling in my mind.