psychology,wisdom,life and something else(2)

地天泰

The Character Difference among the Children in One Family
Steel QIAN
                                                         
In this world it is the commonsense that children are nurtured by their parents and the children’ character kind of resembles their parents. However, when we take a look within one family, I am wondering why character of every child is different in same family.

I think there are probably several factors as follows which affect children’ growth.

1). Difference between the gender.
The boy is more suitable in one family which is dominated by his father, because in one family which is dominated by mother, this will bring a kind of conflict in boy’ mind. In the course of growth, because it is the basic instinct that people learn more from the strong or dominant people. When the female member in one family is stronger than male member, the boy instinctively learns more from his mother. This will conflict with gender’ location in this boy’ mind. This boy will “wonder” whether he will become a dominant person with some female characteristic or a “mild”, passive male. I think this reason under the extreme condition may become one of the causes of the abnormal sexual activity. Otherwise, the girl is more suitable in one family, which is dominated by female member comparatively.

2). the changing of time and environment.
The life’ attitude, mind, behavior of the parents are changed under different conditions and ages. In general, in the peaceful time and materials abounding environment, the people will live happier than wartime and poor environment. The life attitude of parents will affect the growth of the children. So, children born in the painful time will experience more conflict .As in Afghanistan today, many children are born with pain and hatred.

3). Difference of the small living environment.
This point probably more often occurred in some occluded place. Some girl is older than other girls in the family and also in this village among peers. This situation lasts for many years and is not changed because of closing. This older girl often works as the dominant role in the family and village peers and this role playing, I think, will affect this girl’ growth in the future. But anther girl in this same family is the youngest among peers in this village. She often performances a passive role in the group. Although these two girls lived in one family with same parents, they maybe have different characters shaping way.

4). Demand of the society.
It is the commonsense that request for the male and female is different. I once read one story: A family has a boy and a girl. The parents looked forward the boy’ growth and becoming a successful guy in the society. So they taught, disciplined, spoiled this boy very strictly. But they let the girl grow up naturally. Finally, the result of the “experiment” is inverse to their expectation. The girl became a successful radio host, but the boy became an ordinary worker in factory. Although we cannot tell the truth by success or failure, by one or two stories, the parents’ request for children because of the gender actually matters the children’ growth. I had a frustrated felling when I read this story. I cannot help wanting to tell these parents: The proper, natural response and educational method for the children are best. The exorbitant (too strong or too weak) response must bring the injury for the children.

It reminds me another case: One of my neighbors had two children (also one boy, one girl), but in this case the father extremely hope the girl to become a successful “phoenix” – that means “queen’’ in china. This father once was a student in Nanjin University( a famous university in China), but dropped out because of the body’ health. Then he hoped his offspring to continuous his endeavor. From this girl’ childhood, he taught her every night after class and pushed her to rush into the higher grade to study. Moreover, when this girl made a mistake in the homework, the father beat on her face… Then we take a look at the attitude of this father for his boy. At one time this boy jumped down from 3 meters-high wall. One other neighbor told this father, but this father said the male boy should be brave and naughty.  Finally, the outcome as well let this father down. From the analysis of the above case, I can know something as follow: first, this father did not finish and achieved his own university diploma. He wanted his children to finish his own unresolved conflict. This phenomenon is very “popular” in Chinese families, as well occurred in my family. Second, Body-beating and too strong stimulus only made the child pain and depressed
  
5). Finally, needless to doubt, the most important factor is the genetic inheritance.

Therefore, a lot of cases made me sighed: what they putted in is not proportional to what they harvested. I am always thinking: What is the wrongdoing that I must avoid at first, and then we adopt the helpful educational methods to children.