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发表于 2004-6-30 08:59
I am interested in psychology very much.i think psychologyis not only a kind of science,a method to make living, but also a way of thinking,a way of life.
People way of talking
Steel QIAN
In this world human being basic living skill is manner of talking with others. It is one part of ability to communicate with others. I find some people with gilt can warmly and freely communicate with almost any people, but some people hardly talk with others, including myself in ten years ago. I am always asking myself why and observe, think and try to find out the answer.
1． Some people with good capacity to communicate mostly come from a well-communicated family. Their parent’ frequency of quarrel is small. These children can well communicate with their parent (father, mother, or both) from their childhood, especially between birth and ten years old. Their parents can ordinarily talk with each other smoothly.
However other children probably have no good luck as those above children. These children grow up in a badly communicated family, which their parent quarreling is often occurred. Their parent can not talk with each other freely; even often speak out “divorce” in the face a couple of times during their young period.
2． I knew a cousin who is a good and promising youth. But he can deny my speaking 8 out of 10 times. For example, when I speak this dish is good, he will say this dish oil is too queasy and taste is too salt and so on. When I said this movie is fantastic, but he said the spot is boring. Usually I had no interest to continue talking. I call these two sentences round. He has no malice to others, but just has a habit to reject others’ advice. Latterly, I knew his parent. I find his mother refute his father’ speaking 8 out of 10 times. Chinese have an old saying: similar cases are often occurred in one place. Similar persons often live together.
Another example: My nephew is 6 years old now. He often has a shouting way to others. One day, his shouting made his father crazy, and then his father ordered my nephew not to shout. My nephew answered How come you shout at me (also in a shouting way)? It is so funny. Also my elder sister with the ‘’gift’’ donated by my parent shouted at my nephew from birth. Therefor I think the children are a mirror and their speaking way maybe the echo of their family.
Common sense tells us that the best time for children’ learning language is between birth and 10 years old. When this family often encounters the storm of conflict, quarrel, denounce, it also affects their children. When the father said this dish is bad tasty, the mother complained: I painstakingly cater to you, but you had such nonsense…these segments shape our way of talking more or less in our childhood.
3． Also I had a bad habit to communicate with others long time ago. No burden in the family, in the high school, even in the university, but after graduation I got a first job at age of 22, I offended many people. These frustrations propelled me to retrospect my way of talking, way of life. Until one of my friends coached me how to continue to talk along interlocutor’ meaning, how to maintain a neutral position, how to refute others under necessary. I think, I practice, and then think, practice.
Until one day I prepared the test TOEFL: I heard the classic dialogue as follows;
Man: would you like to go to the movie with me tonight?
Woman: wow I am very like this movie, but the work is up to my neck and I had to prepare the upcoming test.
An English teacher told us this is the standard dialogue and way of thinking in USA.
So what a simple tip in talking. I chuckled in my heart. I remember how to agree, disapproved and how to keep a neutral position.
4. I intend to design the following experiment method
1) Choose the experiment persons and let them to talk and record the dialogue.
2) According to approval, neutral, disapproval meaning, rate the answers.
3) To one topic, rate the communication.
Ø the communication last more than 5 sentences per person is good
Ø 3-5 sentences is medium
Ø less 2 sentences are bad.
4) Using the above measurement to survey the people and their parent.
[此贴子已经被作者于2004-6-29 20:02:31编辑过]
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