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发表于 2003-8-3 14:38
| ****Goshums, I was reading it and found quite a few mistakes...*****[br][br]Nobody knows how long it has been passed. [br][You can do two things here. Take away passed or change it to "Nobody knows how much time has passed"][br]It seemed a century, but maybe only a flash. [br][br]I opened my eyes and found I lay down on the bed in my room, which was full of sunlight.[br][Improper Grammar: I opened my eyes and found I was lying down on the bed in my room, which was full of sunlight][br]Oh, another day began! [Has begun!][br]I sit [sat] up slowly, tried to clean up my mind[,] and remember[ed] what happened last night, it seemed to be a nightmare, but all was so clear in my mind that I could even feel the cold hands over my ankle.[NOTE: too much action in one sentence. If I was reading this out loud I would be dead from lack of air.] I looked over my body [Odd, do you mean shoulder?] to check if there were[Take away were. Add WAS ] some trail left, but I found nothing. It’s so strange[,] I thought. I glimpsed [at] the clock on the[I would use MY instead of the] dresser, ooh gosh! It was 8:45 already![I would change that t It was so strange, I thought. I glimpsed at the clock on my dresser. "Oh gosh, it was already 8:45!][br]I jumped myself to the feet, [You mean: You jumped to your feet?] threw on my cloth[You just told someone to throw on a piece of fabric. You mean CLOTHES] and rushed out [of] my room. I didn’t want to express them badly in my first intern day anyway. [I would change that t"I didn't want to make a bad impression on my first day as an intern." Actually, I HIGHLY recommend it. No, I INSIST it.][br][br]It was nothing but [a] nightmare, I tried to convince myself, while making my way to the office of the Dr. Hu. [No.."Office of Dr. Hu" or "Dr. Hu's office." NO "THE"] I must ask him my duty today. [If this was published in English this would sound kind of funny. I think it would probably sound better if you used something like, "I must ask him what I will be doing today." or "I wonder what he will have be do today?" Duty...I guess you could use it if he was interning for a police officer?!?!][br]Standing before Dr. Hu’ office, I watched my watch, [Really? Umm...how about, "I looked at my watch", "I glanced at my watch", or "I checked to see what time it was." ] It was exactly 9 o’clock. Catching my breath, I knocked at the door.[br]“Coming in please!” [No..no...."Come in please..."][br]I opened the door slowly. Entered the room. [Now, your sentences are too short. Did you lose your breath too? "I opened the door slowly and entered the room."] There was Dr. Hu sitting behind his desk, bending his head over some work. [br]“Good morning, Dr. Hu.” I greeted him.[br]Hearing my words, he raised his head and said:“ good morning! How about your first night in the institute? Did you sleep well?” [Revision: "Hearing my words, he raised his head and said, 'Good morning! How about your first night in the institute? Did you sleep well?'" OR "Hearing my words, he raised his head. 'Good morning!' He said, 'How was your first night in the institute? Did you sleep well?"][br]“Well, oh-h, not bad.” I decided not to tell him what [WHO you met that last night. You don't MEET things. You meet people. ] I met last night, after all, I could not tell if it was truth or just in my dream. [I would end the first sentence after "I met last night..." and change it t "After all, I could not tell if it was only a dream."] I didn’t know if my decision was right, I just wanted to follow my instinct now. [Change that to, "I just wanted to follow my insticts."][br]“OK, I’m very happy to see you had a good sleep. [Good NIGHT of sleep?] Now I’ll arrange your duties today. [Duties FOR today? How about not even duty. How about WORK? What's with the word and duty? It sounds like doody- which is poop.] You see, we have so many patients here and there are a lot of medical records, which need to be input into the computer system. Are you familiar with computer?” [Capitalize S] seeing I nodded my head, He continued: [No colon. COMMA!] “OK, that’s your today’s work. I’ll let Ms. Chen lead you to the office you work. ” ["OK, that's your work for today. I'll let Ms. Chen lead you to your office.][br]10 minutes later, I have seated in my office, ["I was seated in my office." "I was sitting in my office." "I was in my office."] which was much better than my bedroom, bigger, and brighter. There was even a pot of flower sitting on the windowsill. I was not familiar with plant, cannot call the name of the flower, but thinking of there was a life-form full of vitality in this odd place really made my dismal mood cheerful. [Change it to..."I was not familiar with plants and could not recall the name of the flower, but thought it was a form of vitality in this odd place, which made my dismal mood cheerful.][br]Sitting before the computer, I began to work. [How about, "Sitting in the front of the computer, I began to work.][br]Typing work was so boring, but fortunately, I could study the records while working. Some of them were really interesting, as [how about LIKE the one you were typing?] the one I was typing. The patience [Not patience, patient!!! Completely different things....!!!] ID was YMDD, who would get excited while others beat him, humiliated him. [..."who would get excited while others hit and humiliated him."]I knew this was called masochism. The last one, the patience ID was easy, who thought everything in the world was easy, to prove flying was easy he tried to jump from the 60th floor of a high building, to prove pregnancy was easy he tried to incise his abdomen and put a doll into it. ["The last one, the PATIENT ID thought that everything in the world was easy. For example, he tried to fly by jumping off the 60th floor of a building." (Of course it was a high building...it had a 60th floor!) "Once, he also tried to incise his abdomen and put a doll into it."][br][br]Another one, the patience [PATIENT, I tell you..PATIENT!!!] ID was Yuer, who always obliged herself wash hands again and again. [This one is OCD...I know that much. ^_^] Finished the work, it was 11:00 am, an hour to lunch. ["It was 11:00 Am when I finished my work, an hour to lunch."] To kill time, I clicked “my network places”, browsed here and there, to find if there was something interesting.[br][br]The security system of institution was bad. I found almost everywhere I can intrude without authentification. A few need password but which were very easy to guess such as 123 or abc things like that. I snickered, thought it was a piece of cake for me, who was versed in computer technology, Guys like me were called “hacker”.[br]While I browsed a computer aimlessly, a doc file attracted me.[br][br][This whole paragraph hurts my head!!! I am rewriting it!][br][br][The security system of the institution was very poor. I found that almost anything was open to my acess. A few did have passwords but they were very easy to break because most of them were "123 or "ABC", Simple things like that. I snickered and thought of how it was such a piece of cake for someone like me, a hacker. Then, while continuing to browse aimlessly on the computer, I found a doc file that attracted my attention.][br][br]***** Ahh- my Chinese sucks poop so don't worry...and hey, don't take this personally!!! ^_~ ******
[此贴子已经被liverbj于2005-8-25 3:19:27编辑过] |
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