joke everyday

liverbj

Yuer: It was terrible, mother. I had to change my seat four times at the movies.
Mother: Some man started bothering you?
Yuer: Yes. Finally.

Yuer：真叫人受不了，妈。我看电影时得换四次座位。
母亲：有人开始骚扰你吗？
Yuer：是的。到了最后。

lion

哈哈，

Butterfly

You know, when Happy English died everyone's excuses were how Happy English was for jokes and English & English is for people learning English...well, um...why isn't this joke in HAPPY ENGLISH then?

雪绒花

One day Liverbj excitedly told his mother he had fallen in love and was going to get married. He said, 'Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry.'
The mother agreed.
The next day, he brought 3 beautiful women into the house and sit them down on the couch and they chatted for a while. He then said, 'Okay, Ma.Guess which one I'm going to marry.'
She immediately replied, 'The red-head in the middle.'
'That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?'
'I don't like her.'

tonggang

haha,It's a difficulty for liverbj to choose the best one mm to marry with.

雪绒花

When Liverbj was 6 years old,one day he watching his parents dress for a formal party. When he saw his dad donning his tuxedo, he warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."

"And why not, Darling?"

"You know that it always gives you a headache next morning."

雪绒花

In the Beginning, God created Heaven and Earth and then He created man: God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me."

Adam said, "Gladly, what do You want me to do?"

God said, "Go down into that valley."

And Adam said, "What's a valley?"

And God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river."

And Adam said, "What's a river?"

And God explained to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill."

And Adam said, "What is a hill?"

And God explained that to him. Then He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."

And Adam said, "What's a cave?"

And God explained that to him, then said, "In the cave you will find a Woman."

And Adam said, "What's a woman?"

So God explained that to him, and said, "I want you to reproduce."

And Adam said, "How do I do that?"

So God explained to him.

So off went Adam, down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, and into the cave and found the woman, and in about fifteen minutes, Adam was back.

God patiently replied, as He always does, "Yes... how can I help you?"

And Adam said, "What's a headache?"

雪绒花

In the beginning God created the heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Devil said, "It doesn''''t get any better than this."

And God said, "Let there be light" and there was light. And God said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit," and God saw that it was good.

And the devil said, "There goes the neighborhood."

And God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, after Our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the Earth." And so God created man in His own image; male and female created He them.

And God looked upon man and woman and saw that they were lean and fit. And the devil said, "I know how I can get back in this game."

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so man and woman would live long and healthy lives.

And the devil created McDonald''''s. And McDonald''''s brought forth the 79-cent double cheeseburger.

And the devil said to man: "You want fries with that?" And man said, "Supersize them." And man gained five pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair. And the devil brought forth chocolate. And woman gained five pounds.

And God said, "Try My crispy fresh salad."

And the devil brought forth Ben and Jerry''''s. And woman gained 10 pounds.

And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."

And the devil brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof. And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.

And the devil brought forth cable TV with remote control so man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And man gained another 20 pounds.

And God said, "You''''re running up the score, devil." And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And the devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And the devil created sour cream dip. And man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And the devil saw and said, "It is good."

And man went into cardiac arrest. And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. And the devil canceled man''''s health insurance.

Then God showed woman how to peel the skin off chicken and cook the nourishing whole grain brown rice. And God created the life-giving tofu. And woman ventured forth into the land of Godiva Chocolate and upon returning asked man, "Do I look fat?"

And the devil said, "Always tell the truth."

And man did. And woman went out from the presence of man and dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer, east of the marriage counselor. And woman put aside the seeds of the earth and took unto herself comfort food.

And God brought forth Weight Watchers. It didn''''t help.

And God created exercise machines with easy payments. And man brought forth his Visa at 21 percent. And the exercise machine went to dwell in the closet of Nod, east of the polyester leisure suit. And in the fullness of time, woman received the exercise machine from man in the property settlement.

It didn''''t help her, either.

[此贴子已经被作者于2003-8-9 7:55:30编辑过]

雪绒花

A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The policeman said, "What's he like?"

The little boy replied, "Chips and beer."

雪绒花

Two men were fishing. They found a bottle floating on the water, retrieved it, rubbed it, and a genie popped out.

"I'll grant each of you one wish," said the genie.

The first man wished for a new fishing boat, all decked out, complete with outboard, the whole nine yards. Poof! New boat!

The second man wished for the lake to be turned into beer. Poof! The lake is now made of beer.

"You dummy!" exclaimed the first man. "Now we'll have to pee in the boat!"