Ha...

liver411

[B]The Physical: [/B]


Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several  dark,  ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey,    soccer, or any physical sport?"  
   
  "No, not at all. Sometimes when we play   bridge with our  neighbors I have to partner with my wife."  
   
   
   
******  



[B]Difference between thinkin' & sayin'... [/B]

   
     
      
         
          Defendant (after being sentenced to 90
days in jail): Can I address the court?
           
          Judge: Of course.
           
          Defendant: If I called you a son of a bitch, what would you do?
           
          Judge: I'd hold you in contempt and assess an additional five days
in jail.
           
          Defendant: What if I thought you were a son of a bitch?
           
          Judge: I can't do anything about that.  There's no law against
thinking.
           
          Defendant: In that case, I think you're a son of a bitch.
           

         
      
******     
   
School Prayers:

   
     
            
          The U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that public  
          schools cannot allow organized student-led prayer  
          over public address systems before high school football  
          games, a decision that reinforces the wall between  
          church and state erected by the First Amendment.  
          Of course, I, ever vigilant, ever curious,  
          wondered what sort of things school students  
          would pray for in the first place...  
           
          15 "lease let the janitors find it in the goodness of their  
          hearts to re-install the bathroom stall doors."  
           
          14 "Just let me get through my early teens without marrying a  
          Rolling Stone."  
           
          13 "lease tell me you're working on appointing an 'Acne Fairy'  
          who every night would exchange my zits for cash under the  
          pillow."  
           
          12 "All I ask for is a quick, painless nipple piercing."  
           
          11 "lease let my little Caitlin get a spot in the on-campus  
          daycare."  
           
          10 "Despite our attending David Orion High, please don't let  
          them paint 'DOH!' on our helmets."  
           
          9 "Grant me the serenity to accept that I cannot get to third  
          base, the courage to try to get to first, and the wisdom to  
          know the difference."  
           
          8 "Oh please, God, don't let the strip turn blue..."  
           
          7 "That I may find a solution to the bigotry and closed-  
          mindedness that have plagued our fragile Earth since  
          the dawn of time. Oh, wait -- I meant to say 'sex'."  
           
          6 "When there's, like, a shooting at our school and we're,  
          like, on CNN, please, God, don't let me be having, like,  
          a bad hair day."  
           
          5 "lease, please, please -- don't let me get a stiffy in the  
          locker room. Again."  
           
          4 "On behalf of the 7th grade boys at Miller Junior High, please  
          let Mrs. LeTourneau return from her 'vacation' very soon."  
           
          3 "Heavenly Father, please let get more venture capital for  
          my e-commerce site than that dweeb Stanley got for his."  
           
          2 "lease let all the girls be impressed by my new spot as  
          first-chair flutist."  
           
          and the Number 1 Prayer of High School Students...???  
           
          1 "Dear Lord, could you explain again how this virginity thing  
          is a good idea? Because, frankly, I'm just not getting it."  
           
            
           

liverbj

ha...
but the third joke is so hard to understand for me. :-(