One laugh can make you ten years younger！

daisyshu

A: Which do you find more important, money or friends?   
B: Friends, of course.
A: Why?
B: I can always borrow money from friends.


Doctor:　I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient:   Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor:　The lab called with your test results.　They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient:    24 HOURS!　That's terrible!!　WHAT could be WORSE?　What's the very bad news?
Doctor:　I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

daisyshu

　　After the self-study class at night, I opened the computer. I sorted out the male net friends to the Frog Concentration Camp and several unlovely girls I’ve seen to the Dinosaur Concentration Camp. Then I began chatting with the three girls left.
　　Me: Honey, let’s fall in love!
　　Talented girl: OK. Are you a Party member?
　　Me: No, I’m not.
　　Talented girl: Are you a League member?
　　Me: Well, no.
　　Talented girl: Well, are you a member of China Young Pioneers?
　　Me: I used to be one many years ago. But why do you bother asking such questions?
　　Talented girl: Then I can’t promise you. At all events, I’m the team leader of our class.
　　…
　　Recalling the painful experience, I still have two girls to chat with.
　　Me: Girl, let’s fall in love!
　　Lonely girl: Good. After all, I can fall in love.
　　Me: Well, didn’t you love someone before?
　　Lonely girl: No. They always said I was a dinosaur.
　　Me: Umm, in this case, we’d better break up at the moment.
　　Lonely girl: No, I don’t agree. It’s my first love…
　　55555555555…
　　Now the last girl left, I would especially cherish her.
　　Me: Girl, don’t you want to fall in love with me?
　　Jiaojiao: I think it’s OK, but I’d like to ask for my father’s advice.
　　Me: My God! You asked your father this kind of thing? You surely don’t have your own definite idea!
　　Jiaojiao: It’s not like that. I am just 5 years old and haven’t learnt to type. It is my father who types for me.
　　Me: …
　　Then I said: Hello, uncle.

一味愚

“Hello, uncle.”
Oops...

hopful

So funny,  Hello uncle.

daisyshu

At a court the judge is interrogating a mugger but gets into difficulty because the mugger is a foreigner who doesn't speak English.
"Don't you speak English at all?" the judge asks.
"Only a few words," replies the mugger.
"What words do you know?"
"Your purse or your life!"

委屈

really funny, your purse or life? haha

daisyshu

　　One night a hotel caught fire，and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes.
　　Two men stood outside and looked at the fire.
　　"Before I came out," said one," I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don't think of money when they're afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire，the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find. No one will be poorer because I took them."
　　"You don't know my work," said the other.
　　"What is your work？"
　　"I'm a policeman."
　　"Oh！" cried the first man. He thought quickly and said, "And do you know my work?"
　　"No," said the policeman.
       “I'm a writer. I'm always telling stories about things that never happened."

daisyshu

Miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut. But this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time. While Miles was at the barber's one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him.
     "Hello, Miles," the manager said. "I see that you are having your hair cut in office time."
     "Yes, sir, I am," admitted Miles calmly. "You see, sir, it grows in office time."
     "Not all of it," said the manager at once. "Some of it grows in your own time."
     "Yes, sir, that's quite true." Answered Miles politely, "but I'm not having it all cut off."

daisyshu

The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
    When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
    "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"
    "Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"

daisyshu

Jock was driving up a steep, narrow, tortuous, Scottish mountain road. A woman was driving down the same road in the opposite direction.
　　As they pass each other the woman leant out the window and shouted: "PIG!!"
　　Jock immediately leant out his window and replied with "BITCH!!"
　　They each continue on their way, but as Jock rounded the next corner he ran into a pig in the middle of the road....